Posts by Aparna Govil Bhaskar

Keep the faith

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KEEP THE FAITH

©️Dr. Aparna Govil Bhasker

Last week marked my son’s 11th birthday! We celebrated this milestone with an unforgettable family getaway in Goa. I was hoping to avoid the usual pressure of organizing a birthday party and the works…. (that plan kind of failed as the party eventually did happen after coming back???? ….. but that’s a story for another day!).

Even though we had not planned anything special, it turned out to be a beautiful day. Goa has this lovely vibe filled with joy and happiness and when combined with birthday excitement it gets elevated to a totally different level altogether. Everywhere we went, strangers came up to him and wished him a happy birthday! During lunch, we asked the restaurant to play the birthday song, and almost every guest there joined in singing for him (he was embarrassed, but secretly delighted!).

Later in the evening, we found ourselves on the beach, where a few amateur anglers were casting their lines. Our sunny boy was really keen to try fishing, so we approached them with a birthday request to borrow their fishing rods. They were more than happy to share some tips and let us have a go at it ourselves.

It was the generosity of strangers that truly made the day special and filled it with unexpected joy.

We dedicated his 11th birthday to all the kind “#strangers” in our #gratitudejournal that night.

However, as a parent, the word “stranger”, is associated with a lot of negative connotations. We teach our children to be wary of strangers from a very early age, and rightly so. Most of us (including myself) would skip a heartbeat if we saw our kids interacting with someone unfamiliar. We train them to have a very high degree of suspicion when it comes to strangers and their intent. This is universal. Be it boys or girls. We tell them that no uncle or aunt is “safe”. We expect them to maintain a safe distance from everyone. I think I wouldn’t be exaggerating if I said that we actually teach our children to be suspicious of other human beings from childhood. In doing so, we may inadvertently teach our children to be mistrustful of others from a very young age. This creates a contradiction: we want them to be team players while simultaneously instructing them not to trust people. Children’s brains are not mature enough to navigate such mixed messages, and I can’t help but wonder what kind of adults we are shaping who might carry #suspicion as a core value.

Today our world is hyperconnected and yet human beings are feeling increasingly isolated day by day. We can sit side by side on flights across continents for hours without exchanging a simple “hello.” Be it adults or children, we find more and more comfort in connecting with our screens than with other people. As our world shifts online, we are stepping into uncharted territories of negativity. Unfortunately, the trolls that once lurked beneath bridges have now surfaced online and are crossing boundaries that were once unimaginable. Behind the veil of anonymity, people can unleash a cruelty that is often suppressed in face-to-face interactions. Ironically, as we overprotect our children, we limit their opportunities to engage with others, leaving them more vulnerable to these unseen, cruel forces that can negatively impact their mental health.

Unfortunately, today the acceptable norms of negativity, mistrust and disrespect have reached a new high, with even the leaders of some of the world’s greatest nations engaging in behaviours that undermine their stature. Surprisingly (or not so surprisingly), this increases the ratings of media outlets and news channels, highlighting the disturbing shift in what we as a society accept as entertainment today. It creates a very poor example for the next generation, who are left questioning whom they can look up to.

However, a few lessons I’ve learned in life are that people, by and large, are still kind. Kindness is still the norm… (kidnapping is the exception!). While I’ve experienced a chain-snatching incident once, I’ve had auto drivers return my lost phones four times, sometimes even after a month (yes, I can be a bit absent-minded!). I’ve made friends with strangers—though some of these friendships didn’t last, others have endured for decades. And despite all its negative aspects, our phones have actually helped us stay in touch with childhood friends more easily. Even after 35 years, I still share memories of school days with my group of class five friends on our WhatsApp chat.

Trust has been the foundation of my life. I’ve trusted in the unknown, and magic has happened in my life many times. As my son turns another year older, my wish for him is to receive the gift of trusting in the unknown, in the goodness of strangers, and most importantly, in himself. I hope he learns that while the world has its share of challenges, faith in people and in life can open doors to endless possibilities. I hope that he is able to be realistically optimistic in this fast-changing world of ours.

Life is far too short to get caught up in negativity, and true magic only happens when we keep the faith.

That’s my wish for him— and perhaps a reminder to myself too: to always believe in the beauty of the unexpected and to trust that kindness, in the end, outweighs everything else. Keep the faith, and let life surprise you.

PS: Image is AI generated

रेप तो हर जगह होता है

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रेप तो हर जगह होता है

©डॉ. अपर्णा गोविल भास्कर

कुछ लोग कहते हैं, क्या हुआ जो एक डॉक्टर का रेप हुआ, रेप तो हर जगह होता है,


कभी रात के अंधेरे में , तो कभी भरी दुपहरी में,

कभी सुनसान सड़कों पे, तो कभी भरे बाज़ार में,
कभी एक जवान लड़की का, कभी एक छोटी बच्ची का तो कभी एक बूढ़ी औरत का,
कभी शहर में तो कभी गाँव में; कभी घर के बाहर, तो कभी घर के अंदर,
कभी ऑफिस में, कभी स्कूल में, और अब तो ये अस्पताल में भी होता है,
कभी अनजान दरिंदे होते हैं, तो कभी कुछ अपने ही कर देते हैं।

कुछ लोग कहते हैं, क्या हुआ जो एक डॉक्टर का रेप हुआ, रेप तो हर जगह होता है।

कहते हैं, ज़रूर लड़की की ही गलती होगी; छोटी स्कर्ट या क़मीज़ पहनी होगी,
रात को अकेले क्यों घूम रही थी; लाइब्रेरी में क्यों देर रात पढ़ रही थी,
क्यों किसी के साथ नहीं चल रही थी; क्यों लड़कों पे विश्वास कर रही थी।

कुछ लोग कहते हैं, क्या हुआ जो एक डॉक्टर का रेप हुआ, रेप तो हर जगह होता है।

सुना नहीं आपने? रेप एक ‘स्ट्रे इन्सिडेंट’ है, जो कहीं भी हो सकता है,
डाल लीजिए अब इसकी आदत, क्योंकि आज कोलकाता, कल दिल्ली और परसों मुंबई में हुआ था,
कल कहीं और होगा, क्योंकि ये तो हर जगह होता है, हर रोज़ होता है,
रेप से ख़ानदान का ही नहीं, अब देश का नाम खराब होता है।

कुछ लोग कहते हैं, क्या हुआ जो एक डॉक्टर का रेप हुआ, रेप तो हर जगह होता है।

सालों लग जाएंगे, पर रेपिस्ट शायद ही पकड़े जाएंगे,
लड़की के माँ-बाप रोते रह जाएंगे, सोचते रह जाएंगे, खुद को कोसते रह जाएंगे,
लेकिन दोस्त ये याद रखना, कल हमारे बच्चे भी इसी सोसाइटी में आएंगे,
अगर आज हम चुप रह जाएंगे, तो कल शायद हमारे दिल भी टूट जाएंगे।

इसलिए पूछो आज उन लोगों से जो ये कहते हैं, क्या हुआ जो एक डॉक्टर का रेप हुआ, रेप तो हर जगह होता है,
क्या करते आप जो आपके घर में ये होता? क्या करते आप जो आपकी होती वो बेटी, बहन या पत्नी?
क्या करते आप अगर ये आप पे गुज़री होती?

रेप तो हर जगह होता है, पर सर ये हर बार पर्सनल होता है।

An Unhappy Independence Day

Bariatric Surgery

©Dr. Aparna Govil Bhasker

This morning, as our honourable Prime Minister hoisted the Indian flag at the Red Fort in celebration of the 78th Independence Day, the celebration felt hollow for nearly half of this country’s population which is constituted by women. What we feel today is profound sadness and a collective despair that overshadows any sense of pride.

A brilliant young lady doctor was recently raped and brutally killed while on duty in her workplace. This incident has shaken us to our core and struck a personal chord with every one of us because it could have been any of us. During my residency, I too have walked through dark, isolated corridors in the dead of night. I have faced intoxicated patients, confronted families who burned their daughters-in-law for dowry, dealt with enraged relatives demanding miracles for their terminally ill loved ones, and endured threats from mobs ready to vandalize the hospital. Security was minimal, and the lack of basic amenities was glorified as a character-building exercise.

Yes, I have survived to see this 78th Independence Day, but only by sheer luck. In this broken system, I am merely a statistical survivor with my safety a matter of luck rather than any kind of systemic protection. I guess as Indian women, ultimately, we are all statistical survivors who get to live more by chance than by design.

As we enter the third decade of the 21st century, it feels as though we are taking one step forward and two steps back in our pursuit of gender equality and the safety of women. Today we are ambitiously reaching for the stars and striving for greatness, yet more than ever we remain bound by the persistent chains of misogyny and patriarchy. The dichotomy was never more defined and clearer.

  • It is pathetic that instead of strengthening our laws, we tell girls to be more cautious.
  • It is shameful that instead of punishing the perpetrators, we ask women to avoid going out alone in the dark.
  • It is infuriating that we teach daughters to live in fear rather than teaching sons to respect women.
  • It is outrageous that victims are often blamed for the violence inflicted upon them, while their attackers are shielded by a culture of silence and complicity.
  • It is disgraceful that a woman’s character is questioned in courtrooms, while the character of her assailant is conveniently overlooked.
  • It is devastating that parents must weigh the risks of educating their daughters against the fear of losing them to violence.
  • It is sad that even today, rapists can exploit loopholes in our system and roam free.
  • It is sickening that it takes eight long years to resolve even fast-track, high-profile rape cases like that of “Nirbhaya”.
  • It is unforgivable that society has allowed the normalization of fear and insecurity in the lives of women.
  • It is disheartening that the cries for justice from countless victims and their families continue to fall on deaf ears.
  • It is shameful that, time and again, the burden of shame always falls on the girl, while the real culprits walk away unscathed.

In this relentless tug-of-war, women are the ultimate losers, unable to fight against the dreadful societal forces that continuously undermine their progress and potential. We are a nation that claims to be progressing, yet we fail to protect and respect half of our population. On this 78th Independence Day, we deserve more than empty promises and delayed justice. We deserve a society that values our safety as much as our potential.

It is agonizing to even think of the pain that the victim’s parents will have to endure for the rest of their lives. The countless dreams that they must have had for their daughter have been crushed in the most brutal manner.

I don’t know how we can celebrate Independence Day today?

Our enemies are no longer the British; they lie within our own society, and we must seek freedom from these internal threats to truly honour our independence.

Calm Under Pressure- Becoming A Surgical GOAT

Bariatric Surgery

©Dr. Aparna Govil Basker

It’s my regular bed time routine to scroll through some Insta reels before I crash for the night. I usually love watching commencement speeches and sometimes some other stuff like stand-up comedy etc. It is good to end the day on a funny note or an inspiring one!

One of the recent commencement speeches I watched was that of Roger Federer. Federer is not only a personal favourite but is also undisputedly one of the greatest tennis players of all times (a GOAT!). He has been admired and celebrated all over the world not only for his impeccable tennis skills but his calm and cool demeanour. I am yet to come across a more graceful personality on the court. Every time I’ve watched him play; I’ve been hugely impressed by his composed demeanour.

Whether he wins or loses, he remains unruffled and tranquil, never showing a trace of excitement or agitation. It has never mattered whether the crowd is cheering him on or being hostile, whether he is being trolled or adored. Federer’s mental strength and fitness shines through. He has maintained the same calm composure in hundreds of matches over two decades. It’s actually quite funny; as bystanders in history, we not only take his greatness for granted but also his remarkable calmness.

What struck me in Federer’s commencement speech was his confession that he wasn’t always this composed. Before his golden era of Grand Slams, Federer was a completely different person— a hyperemotional racquet-breaking brat who couldn’t handle a bad game. This calm and composed demeanour was consciously acquired and cultivated after a deeper self-realization and work with a sports psychologist. It took continuous effort over many years to develop the persona we witnessed on our television screens for so long, both on and off the court. There is no doubt that technical skills and physical prowess played a big part in his success but ultimately what led him to being a GOAT was his ability to create a serene and a resilient mind.

Federer’s journey to mental tranquility and his insights about the importance of mental fitness are highly relevant to a surgeon’s life. Similar to professional sports, the field of surgery demands not only exceptional technical skills but also extraordinary mental resilience and composure. Surgeons operate in high-pressure environments where the stakes are extremely high; a single mistake can have a significant impact on a patient’s health. This responsibility necessitates maintaining a high level of calm, focus, and precision.

In our profession, we confront numerous critical situations at various points. Surgeries can be challenging and intricate, emergencies can arise unexpectedly, equipment malfunctions can occur at critical moments, human errors can happen when least anticipated, and complications are an inherent part of every surgeon’s experience. While it is very easy to express frustration or tension, it is crucial for us to develop our mental resilience to remain composed under pressure.

Many a times surgeons express tension and frustration, especially by directing it towards surgical assistants or operating theatre staff. This creates a stressful environment that affects their performance. This can ultimately impact the overall surgical outcomes negatively. Moreover, such behaviour increases the general stress levels in the operating theatre, which increases the likelihood of mistakes occurring. Surgeons who create a tense and intimidating atmosphere in the operating room disrupt the conducive working environment needed for long-term success. It’s evident that this approach doesn’t lead to achieving any kind of greatness in the field of surgery even if the surgeon is highly skilled technically. I personally feel that they may be successful in creating fear in the short term but fail to get any respect in the long term.

On the other hand, even though it may be difficult, maintaining a professional and calm demeanour not only fosters a more supportive atmosphere for the entire surgical team but also enhances communication and collaboration. This contributes to a smoother operation and better patient care. Surgeons who are conscious about this and prioritize creating a positive and respectful working environment help mitigate stress and optimize the team’s performance, ultimately leading to improved surgical outcomes. Its difficult, but doable!

Federer’s journey has several lessons that are also relevant for surgeons and can be adapted. Just as Federer learned to manage his emotions to avoid being a hyperemotional player, surgeons must learn to regulate their emotions to maintain clarity and focus during surgeries. Emotional outbursts or distractions can impair judgement and affect performance.

Actively working on emotional regulation can help surgeons to remain steady and effective, even under stressful circumstances. Surgeons can benefit from mental preparation strategies, such as visualization of procedures, mindfulness, and stress-relief techniques. These practices can enhance concentration and reduce anxiety, leading to better surgical outcomes. Resilience and the capacity to remain unruffled in the face of complications or unexpected challenges are crucial for successful surgical practice. Ultimately staying calm and composed in the face of adversity can be acquired and cultivated. The first step towards change is to be aware. At the end of the day we all are a work in progress in different stages.

Developing mental toughness and inner calmness is crucial not only in the operating room but also in any high-stakes profession. Surgeons who cultivate these qualities in addition to clinical and technical skills can navigate their responsibilities more effectively, resulting in improved patient care and personal fulfillment. This approach also paves the way for achieving excellence. So if you ask me who is the greatest surgeon I think you already know the answer by now. GOAT in the field of surgery would be someone who would not only be technically skilled but have the highest level of mental fitness and tranquility.

Happy Doctor’s Day!! 🙂

Hope and healing

Bariatric Surgery

©️Dr. Aparna Govil Bhasker

One of the most powerful stories that Homo Sapiens have passed on from generation to generation over thousands of years, is the story of “hope”. “Hope” is our true super-power. Hope can work miracles. Without “hope”… well… everything will be … “hopeless”…(no prize for guessing that)!

Hope is unique to our species. No other animal can boast of being able to feel this magical emotion. Human children are born brimming with hope. One just needs to look into those innocent eyes to feel it. However, with time, this reservoir of hope starts diminishing. As we grow up, few of us become childishly optimistic, some lean towards realism and many turn a tad pessimistic.

Like in everything else, “hope” is a very important ingredient in the potion of healing too. It is a lifesaving elixir for the patient and serves as a vital anchor for the anxious family members. It is no secret that patients who lose hope have poorer outcomes as compared to those who do not. A lot has been written about the role of “hope” in ailing patients and their families, however not much has been said about the significance of “hope” in doctors. It is simply assumed the doctors are the most “hopeful” of all adult humans. Can you imagine a doctor who is “not hopeful”?

As doctors, we start our professional careers by training on dead people (That’s not very high on hope score!). By the time we complete our medical training, we have already seen more sickness and death than any normal human would in their entire lifetime. We frequently witness the fragility of life and very often have to bow down to the forces of nature. Yet, as paradoxical as it seems, we have to dispense “hope” in every prescription that we write.

Does the reservoir of “hope” diminish in doctors as they age or does it increase? This is a million-dollar question. Doctors are like old wine. They are said to get better with age and experience. As years pass by, we see that many more people live through their sicknesses and regain their health, as compared to those who enter the doors of a mortuary. We come across many patients who defy all odds and overcome the worst of diseases. And though we spend a lot of time studying complications, we all know that complications are rare and rare things happen rarely. Thanks to advances in medical science, today most people are living twice as long as they were living a hundred years ago. Not only are they living longer, they are living healthier and looking better too. There is every reason to be hopeful.

However, the true measure of hope for a doctor lies in how they navigate challenging situations. Every healthcare professional encounters difficult cases at some point in their career. These could encompass complex medical scenarios, cases with uncertain prognosis, difficult decision making, ethical dilemmas, emotionally charged relatives, legal threats etc.

We can never have all the answers when it comes to complex case scenarios, but years of experience engrave subtle patterns in our minds, aiding us in anticipating the clinical trajectory of a specific patient. Our minds weave together a tapestry of various stories and clinical situations, forming a powerful network of interconnected experiences and insights that significantly enhance our clinical ability. Many times, we are not able to pinpoint the exact pathology, but these interwoven stories serve as valuable reference points, enabling us to recognize patterns, identify key indicators, and make informed decisions in patient care. So, when an experienced doctor exudes hope, it signifies a profound understanding and confidence rooted in years of experience and learning. Hope is not just an abstract emotion in medicine, hope is entrenched in a blend of evidence and experience.

Sometimes the inability to achieve desired results despite best efforts can lead to feelings of frustration and failure. At times, coping with their own emotions can be quite overwhelming for doctors and the idea of “hope” can feel very elusive. Well, doctors are human too and can be as emotional and vulnerable as everyone else. Also, though the doctor patient relationship is often gratifying, the weight of responsibility always lies on the doctor’s shoulders and it can become a tad burdensome at times. At such times, just like we write prescriptions of “hope” for our patients, we need to understand the value of rejuvenating ourselves also from time to time. We also need to understand that battles are never won by lone warriors, it usually takes an army to defeat the enemy. On days when our “hope” reservoir is running low it makes perfect sense to take a break and let someone else take charge.

In the realm of medicine, hope emerges as a vital thread. Despite the challenges doctors continue to dispense hope, navigating through complexities with resilience and compassion. Empowered by knowledge and years of experience, hope transcends being merely a destination; and becomes a continual journey shared by patients and healers alike.